Today’s Challenges

Today, I had one of those days that began with some difficulty.  While I had no problems getting up and getting to work, at work I could not keep my eyes open for the world.  I literally think I dozed off about five times for five minutes while struggling to clear some alerts at the bank. You know, it’s not like what I do at the bank is particularly challenging.

I basically look at the same reports, similar alerts, and similar customers every day at the back office.  And it goes on, week after week, month after month, and quarter after quarter.  It’s boring, really, and since I get bored easily, I  muddle through the work.  Cause there’s no other way, and I absolutely have to meet deadlines. Or else the bank can get into some serious trouble for non-compliance of these things.

The only thing that made my day was lunch with Maksim, who is an older gentleman at my work.  He is quite a character. I live for his stories about his childhood, about scuba diving, about his little home up in the hills that he drives to and from every day.  I see him every day, running around, trying to get things done to maintain the old building.  Talking to him always brightens up my day.  Just enough to give me energy to keep on working–like a jolt of Energizer Bunny.

The day did become easier to deal with sometime after 11 am, when suddenly I felt so much more awake. Maybe it’s the two cups of tea that I had drank, or the freezing cold from the air conditioning, but I surely got to work, and got things done.

If only I had that energy every day.

At home, I was hounded today by my parents who wish for me to go get a Master’s degree. I love to go to school, but I am no longer willing to go to school to advance my career.  If I further my education, I want to do it for myself, for my curiosity and to quench my thirst about topics, not to have another piece of paper nailed to the damn wall, of which I could be temporarily proud (until I hate what I do) and my parents proud that I’ve “finally” finished school. I think people are going around the wrong way when it comes to learning, and education.

But hey, what do I know? I guess a twenty-something deaf girl doesn’t really know much.

 

Weddings

Weddings. They’re a celebration of life, of two people joining together, and bringing together their families into one orbit. For me, it’s a hopeful thing, even though I don’t really care for the whole religious aspect of it. And I am surrounded by family that matter, whom I love and I know I can spend a good time with. At the same time, navigating the course of a wedding is a delicate matter, especially for someone like me.

I went to my cousin’s wedding today.  The church looked beautiful, with it’s rich altar filled with statues, and it’s ceiling painted in the rich Eastern European tradition. The bride wore a simple dress, with some sparkle, and she definitely looked gorgeous, while the groom wore a simple black suit with a red bow-tie. Simple. Low-key, with some 100 + guests.

I have memorized mass by heart, knowing what words to say, when to sing, and when to kneel, after years of attending a church. To my surprise, I even picked up on the organist singing “Hallelujah” on the second refrain, and I sang along–while not wearing my hearing aids.

But for the life of me, I could not hear the vows. I watched the bride and groom repeat the vows after the priest, and all I could think was that I would never be able to repeat after the priest without looking at him to lip-read. l know that I will mishear the words that the priest would say, and I would say the vows wrong. And I wondered how I would solve that problem should I ever get married.

The party afterwards was filled with loud, blasting music.  I had my hearing aids in at that point because I wanted to be able to have a conversation with people, even though, I have discovered that no one can hear over the music at these parties, ever. My other cousin and I danced, laughed, talked, and ate. I enjoyed feeling the beat from the music pulse from the floor through my body, and I had a good time; however, I left the party with a throbbing headache from all the noise and sore feet.

I may not be getting married tomorrow or in a year, but I am constantly aware of how my hearing loss limits my ability to do certain things like the rest of the people in my circle or be a part of something. This is just one of those situations where I have to figure out a solution on the fly and make decisions based on knowing myself and my thresholds for pain and sensitivity.